smile

today i had a dentist appointment.

ive never met anyone who is jacked to go to the dentist, but for me its like they are hunting down the taliban as they implode me with christmas cards, emails, and phone calls reminding me of my next appointment, as i rock in a corner crying bloody murder.

all of you psych majors have probably already studied my last statement and concluded that this is because i had a bad experience as a child. this is false. i was a star child, and my picture was always up in the "no cavities!" section. when i would get to go to the prize box (which was every time, because i was a star child), i would stuff my pockets full when nobody was looking and come home with a ridiculous amount of trinkets, like funny shaped erases, that my mother would make me feel guilty by saying "now no other kids get prizes because you took them all."

fuck.

i don't know if as i have gotten older, the tools get louder and sharper and the flavors dont taste good anymore, but i don't enjoy the experience like i used to.

im trying to watch family feud and the bloody hygenist lady wants to know my life plans from now until im 45. why offer the service of "would you like to watch television while I go ape shit on your gums?" if you're going to immerse yourself in a full-fledged one-sided conversation.

i dont care about your crazy mother-in-law during christmas season, i want to see if they win the car, damnit.

as her jaw is moving at mach 89, so is her little medal claw tool in my mouth, as she's telling me i need to floss more.

floss? if i can even move my jaw after this horrid molestation of my mouth, i'd be lucky.

despite the fact that i wasn't allowed to eat for 30 mins after, i went home and made myself the creamiest cheesiest kraft dinner ever made, because i was mad at my dentist.

ha ha ha, see ya in 6 months!


xoxo, the damsel