wrap it

i started wrapping presents today, as in my mother made me, because "she doesn't want this shit laying around all day"

okay mama.

like i said before, i am really good at wrapping and i put a lot of effort into it, but tonight anything seemed cooler than wrapping christmas presents, like for instance, making popcorn. blogging. pretending that my dog wants to play with me. i dont know. lots of stuff.

i dont really know why i continue to make sure the bow is perfectly poofy, and the ribbon is completely straight. it doesnt last long as we end up throwin 'em in the back of our family minivan, pile everyone and their dog's bag on top and haul-ass to winnipeg.

anyway, with the way my brother drives, pretty much every cool thing i do to the present (like add jingly bells, or holly) falls off, and gets eaten by my dog.

you know how some people disguise the present by putting it in a completely random box that is, by no means related to the gift? (like putting a tiny necklace in a huge tv box, or putting a puppy in a very small box with no holes) and everyone laughs because its funny and mysterious?

this happened to my boyfriend one year when he un-wrapped his gift from a relative, and saw a thermos box. of course everyone roared in laughter as they all thought "why would this boy want a thermos, it's probably a hot wheels, or condoms" but it was a thermos, and to this day he hates opening presents.

he asked me to just put the present i got him in a bag. no frills. no bows. no fun. i said "ok"

i wrapped it with bright colored paper, sparkly ribbon, and a big golden bow, because im the boss.

my snooping for presents has been unsuccessful this year. mother sure stepped up her game.

she has been hitting the mall a lot lately and been swippin' my dads plastic like no other since he is cuba somewhere smoking cigars. he called this morning to say that he arrived safe, and the flight was good (5 days later) and that he misses us. little does he know that jack frost was a giant douchebag this week and dropped the temperature down to negative fuck-you-Calgary, and the windows of our vehicles need to be scraped. on the inside.

Anyways, happy Christmas shopping everyone. remember, don't park like a douchebag, or i'll key your car door, and steal your ashtray coins.

xoxo, the damsel