thanks for flying with us!

Nothing says "welcome to your destination!" quite like having the kid in front of you throw up his airplane breakfast burrito. 

I don't know how parents do it, but watching them travel with small children is enough to make me never want to have sex again. The family beside me had two kids wailing bloody murder for two hours straight, making me want to pull the evacuation door and scream FREE CANDY THIS WAY!!! 

I always aim for the window seat when I fly, because every other seat you get screwed over.

Window is ideal because you can better judge how high the aircraft is when calculating survival rate of jumping when you find out you're only allowed one free wine during dinner. 

I paid $1500 for my air ticket, and I'm only allowed ONE FREE 50ml SAMPLE OF MEDIOCRE WINE? I should have just gone to Costco instead of Europe. Someone please explain this to me (while fetching me twelve more of these bad boys)

Middle seat is the worst because it's pretty much a guarantee that you will be wedged between the two most foul smelling human beings on the entire flight, who snore like wild animals and hog the arm rest. One solution to preventing this is to claim the armrest early, but they will probably eat you, so just accept the loss. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, so chase some heavy medication with a stiff drink and snore along with them.

Aisle seat you're screwed because you're in the line of fire, and the flight attendants literally do not give a shit if they run over your ankles with their coffee cart.

I don't blame them though, if I had to explain how to buckle a seat belt to a crowd of needy bitches every day, I would do the same thing. 

10 points ankle shot, 50 points head shot when they're knocked out from Gravol and gin. 

Thanks for flying with us, ps: GFY. 

xoxo, the damsel