no parking

so if any of you know me, you know that i don't have the cleanest record when it comes to tickets. i get tickets left, right and centre, upside down, right side up, you name it, i have it. Speeding tickets, no problem, i give officer a nice little smile, bat my eyes, and am usually forgiven because i am an angel. parking tickets, not so much.

i know that it really isn't a difficult concept, and that one day I'm going to have to conform like the rest of the adults, but I'm just not ready for that kind of responsibility.

i would much rather deal with the $90 ticket in the mail, than just making the $5 payment in the moment. i do try, and it usually ends up with me losing my shit on the meter. how many fucking ways are there to insert a credit card, just take my money and stop fucking around with my feelings.

The other day, all i wanted to do was go to the keg downtown and dummy some meat. ofcourse parking is a nightmare, because let's get real, i live in Calgary where everyone drives a monster truck and parks it like they were half cut. I'm in zero position to comment on other peoples parking ability because I'm still trying to nail that one down, but i mean come on.

I found this nice little "private lot" but i mean really, what does private even mean, am i right? apparently it means don't fucking park here, and that you'll finish lunch just in time to go one on one with the lovely officer taking photos of your license plate.

two ways to approach this.

1. like a lady: calmly ask "what the fuck is going on here, sir," and apologize for the misunderstanding

2. like a savage: running down the street in high heels yelling swear words at anyone and everyone dropping the leftovers from lunch all over the city streets

If you think the first option happened, get off my blog you asshole.

So here i am, short of breath, muddy heels, and nothing but some left over roasted vegetables in my stupid Styrofoam container. NOBODY EVEN LIKES ROASTED VEGETABLES, KEG. I tried to explain to the officer that i was just parked here for a minute and that I'm leaving. He stared at my half leftover container, raised his eyebrows and said "doesn't look that way. You also know not to park here considering how many outstanding parking tickets you have from this lot alone."

I did the adult thing and owned up thinking he would take the ticket away, but instead he said "already sent it in. stop parking here." and walked away.

he definitely had a crush on me.

jokes on him though, because those tickets make unreal filters for rolling joints.

no, YOU STOP PARKING HERE OFFICER, IM HUNGRY.

xoxo, the damsel