dating the damsel (pt. 2)

i know you'll be shocked when i tell you i'm still single. but do not be alarmed, i still don't own any cats, so there is hope people, stay with me.

ive been single for about a year now, and ive gone on a fair share of dates. i seem to attract some very different folk and there seems to be a 2 date curse with me. let me explain:

first date goes great (yet im usually still unsure if i want to give up bachelorette life, aka, being really fucking awesome.) i usually agree to a second date, and this my friends, is when shit hits the fan.

i went on a second date with guy #1 that i was actually really attracted to. we went out for drinks, and after maybe 4 beers, he decided it would be fun to throw it back to the high school days and act like a drunken bag of smashed assholes. you know what bro, that's fine, you do your thing - we've all been there (12 years ago). the best part of this story is that he then accused me of date-rape drugging him.

.......

now, im sorry, but I have 3 things to say about this:
1. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA
2. if i had a date rape pill, i would probably feed it to myself just to get out of this fuckery of a date.
3. i'm not entirely sure what I would even do with a passed out 230 pound man in the middle of a fucking bar. I would probably draw a dick on his forehead and steal a 20 biller from his wallet to buy myself a poutine. 



second date with guy #2 was great, had lots of fun, etc etc etc. somehow, between date two, and three hours after it, we apparently progressed to the poetry-writing, missing you stage, where we talk about babies, and getting grey hair together.

don't get me wrong, im all for freedom and expression of love, im just not all for it when i've known you for a sum of maybe 8 hours. i don't want the stars and the moon and the ocean, i want some movie theatre popcorn and a fucking twix bar.

its actually becoming painfully obvious that not a whole lot of these wonderful men 'from the movies' actually exist. those actors are paid to be the perfect boyfriend in the latest rom-com to make the female population depressed, sending them on a wild goose hunt for something that doesn't exist. i find this concept eerily similar to the idea of santa clause with children. here's this wonderful man, who's always happy, always arrives on time, and always buys you things, and then PSYCH! you find out he eats all the good shit from your pantry, and has way too many hoes up in on his lap.

life isn't a fairytale, and if you lose your shoe at midnight, you might want to slow down on the tequila, and mix in a water.

xoxo, the damsel