feel the burn

im fengsui-ing the crap out of my room for better flow of energy. by fengsui-ing for better energy, i mean moving furniture around so i can actually feel the heat coming from the vents rather than placing, oh i dont know, maybe a bookshelf over them? a couch? all the pillows from my bedding?
no wonder i need to sleep with hooker knee socks and 3 hoodies.

i've arranged my furniture so there is ample room for someone to propose to me with rose petals spelling out "will you marry me?" like Kris Humphries did for Kim Kardashian.

you're welcome, boyfriend.

as i'm running around my house like a child that just devoured a bowl of jello, which is what i always do, i accidently slipt on two stairs.

which somehow turned into 14 stairs.

i kid you not, it looked like a scene from the exorcist. limbs eveywhere, carpet burn engulfing my entire leg. as my mom is at the bottom screaming like she just saw Jesus, i thought for sure she would have called the ambulance, but instead she decided to laugh and run to my father to brag to him that he missed his idiot daughter's fall down an entire flight of stairs.

well, thats that then.

after mama saw my huge rash, she hugged me like i was her only baby and told me that i am only allowed to walk from now on.

damnit, mama!

its probably because she felt so bad for laughing like a bloody hyena while i was sprawled out on her kitchen floor.

i am going to have to wear coveralls to school tomorrow to hide my wounds.

in the meantime, i am looking up prices for stair chair lifts, like the ones those senior citizens use in those commercials, the ones that still operate when there is a power outage. i'm sure the prices are reasonable, and i could easily justify buying one to my parents.

although, the only reason they let me stay here is because i provide 100% of the entertainment value. this includes me falling down stairs.


xoxo, the damsel