Facebook, you cheeky bastard.

While travelling, Facebook is a useful tool for keeping in touch with friends, and also reminding you that people are having babies.

I logged into my account the other day, only to realize it makes me want to throw my computer off a steep cliff into a lava pool of sharks and terrorists. 

Here are 5 reasons why Facebook ruins lives:

1. People actually use the "check in" feature when they go for a work out. 

Unless you're checking into McDonalds and offering to bring me back some fries, I probably won't like your status. 

I'm proud of you for working out, but more proud of the fact that you remembered to let us know, otherwise your three reps at the squat rack don't actually count.

BUT THANKS FOR SHARING THAT YOU WERE AT GOLD'S GYM TODAY AT 9AM!!! The curiosity was eating me alive.

2. Candy crush invitations. 

This is really still a thing? 

Can I just give you the 99 cents it costs to pass the level so we can all move on with our lives?

3. Wedding photos, engagement announcements, and any other sign of my friends becoming adults and having their shit together. 

It makes me feel the need to call my mother and apologize for not giving her grandchildren.

Unless your status went from "married" to "it's complicated" I probably won't like it.

Just kidding... Congratulations..........











4. Invites to any event, at any club, which has also been sent out to your entire friends list. 

Ill let you in on a little secret: Unless you call me to personally invite me, and are providing a transportation service there and back so I can get wasted, I'm not coming.

Wait - I don't have to wait in line OR pay the $5 cover charge to get in, because you have a hook up?!? 

I have a hook-up too bro, it's called a push-up bra. My entire life is no line, no cover.

5. Friend requests that you don't want to accept because it's a little awkward because you don't want that person to see that picture of you riding that mechanical bull in those denim panties while double fisting those jack and cokes but you have to because it's your mother and she gave birth to you. 

Who is that girl with loose morals and a drinking problem? 

Not me, mom.

Honestly, the only reason I have Facebook is so everyone knows when my birthday is, so they can buy me presents.

March 17, people - start shopping.

xoxo, the damsel